there are many posts in my phone, but i shall cut short on everything. this will really really be my final post before A's. not much things have changed since the last post, but yet, there's so much i wanna say. 

-DOUBTS-
I have officially withdrawn from School of Thought. a place which i really found comfort in. but perhaps this will be the best solution for me. I didnt tell everyone that knew i was in that i quit, not because i didnt want to but perhaps there was really nothing great and happy about. even till today, though i'm still a little hesistant and doubtful about my decision, i guess what has been done is done and life got to move on. Sot has really been a damn good place to be in, and i have no doubts about admitting that Mr Tong is a really awesome teacher. these 1.5years has really been a good learning experience for me, probably one of the few lessons i'll never forget this life. and when Mr Tong replied, i pondered really hard if it was all a right decision that i made. i gave up in the end, not because i'm giving up on my A's but rather i guess it's really the best wayy out. had a difficult time struggling with it. the thought of letting go just feels uneasy. no doubt that i've come a long wayy, but i guess when it's time to let go, i really have to.

-REMINISCENCE-
oh and the other dayy, Happy Mooncake Dayy, i saw a group of children playing latterns below my house. and it dawned on me then that it's been a really long time since i last held a lattern. probably the last time was when my Grandma was still around. the kids in the family would gather and carry paper latterns all around, and calling out "Char Ti Too" when the lattern went up in flames. and my mum would sit with my grandma under the moon, eating mooncakes. and afterwhich, we will gather around to play "21 points" and with real cash as our bets. such moments have long been gone ever since Grandma left. relationships seemed to have drifted further and further away, because there was no Grandma to bridge things up. that night, i watched the kids enviously, thinking about my Grandma in the Moon. we only learn how to treasure after we lose. haix.

-HOPE-
i'm under chemistry clinic the past few days and it's a really good session. Mrs Lim is so cute and funny, best of all, she rocked Chemistry totally. yet another Hao Hao Lao Shi, i have found. sometimes, i feel really thankful to land up here, at least i found my help here. so now, there's Mrs Lim as the Mrs Hao Hao, Mr Lau as the Mr Hao Hao, Mr Wong and Mr Hon as the Mr Hao Hao Hao. i'm really thankful for that!(:

-THE MISSED CALL-
i was just pondering over to myself that it has been a long time since i last talk to yichen. i have stopped messaging her because she phone bills are exceedingly high. i was just messaging her while studying, but i was never expecting a reply. and then. it happened. she called okayy! so frightening! as though she's watching me. i thought it was all a dream, and maybe it was her house phone in S'pore and probably her mum cos i didn't change her name. but no it wasn't. and we talked for so long that i could remember. 1hour 39minutes 58seconds. time slipped past reallyy fast when you took no notice of it. and so, she's doing really well and speaking like a true cool American out there. kinda inferior when i talked to her because wow! never once, it sounded like Yichen. but it feels so warm to hear her voice again after so long, and as though she was really close, just next to me. but things have changed, and i'm happy to say changed for the better for her. it really made my dayy todayy.


it feels like just yesterdayy we just met each other. and i still cant believe until now, i actually answered the call. and i'm laughing at how retarded i am now. i reallyy missed that call so much and never could i imagine it drop by my phone. i'm glad todayy is a happyy dayy though it's farewell for me.

-RANDOM-
i'm curently listening to this very beautifully crafted song, you can let go now. the lyrics are just plain sweet. and it simply makes me ponder when i'll be like that character in the song. and that sets me worried. i have a really good kor. he sacrificed his time with his friends just to have dinner with me(: awesome. he told me a joke the other dayy that kept me laughing even when i sleep.
"2blondes went to disneyland. One read the sign out loud, "Disneyland left". and so they went home"
sweeeeeett(:

16 October 2009

-THANK YOU, MERIDIAN-

Farewell Assembly. Graduating Class of 2009.
Today marks the last official school dayy for me. these 2years in JC haven't been long, and neither has it been short. this is perhaps the most important lesson i have learnt in my life and perhaps will also be the most memorable one.
just the other dayy, i was telling Gen, school's ending soon. so fast 2years have gone by. and she said i'm always so emotional. but perhaps, i feel that i have really grown these 2years. really. it's seemed as though it was just yesterdayy i step into Meridian, from pae 08s203, to the gruesome appealing days, to Jae 08s202 to OGL to RBC, to nominee 21, to council, to promos, to PW shit, to the end of JC1 life, to MBT, to step down from council, to mye, to prelims and lastly to the last day of school. no doubt that this journey hasn't been easy to walk on, but i've really grown and seen alot throughout this rollercoaster ride. to see the world and to see myself in this big world.

Miss Lai mentioned todayy about "letting go" with her Nemo movie. i found it really true if we ever step ourselves in that movie. it ain't going to be easyy to let go after 2years in this big warm family. and i never regretted even once for appealing back to Meridian. no doubt that it was a decision that could never go wrong. never.

i'll really miss the times i had in school.

i'll miss the friendships i forged here. and how the other Meridians who lived in my condo will smile to me even though we are strangers. I'll miss seeing the no.6 student councillors at the study benches in the mornings to come.

 
I'll miss telling Gen all the funny stories i had, and how she never fails to call me kuku. I'll miss calling Syaz the Snaily in our complicated animal family.

and i'll miss the dogs, ZiYe and Clement and how we disturb each other during lectures and tutorials, all dayy long and how i was always the pigg in this family.

 
I'll miss making pigg snorks at Nina and how she'll poke me like a pigg machine. I'll miss calling Samantha my fellow Dale squirrel and how we used to be called the mutants. I'll miss Xavier's hysterical laughters in the early morning at the benches and I'll miss making promises with Atiqah about bubble tea treats. and I'll miss talking to Binli when we're studying. and i'll miss the cab sessions with WeiSheng and calling him the banana tree for no reason. I'll miss those train rides and tuition with Theodora and calling her my hahahehehoho princess. I'll miss talking to Amalina about her hottest guyy and how she'll do the disgusting finger-mouth action. I'll miss the times i know there's always someone out there for me, whenever i needed a shoulder to cry or lean on.

I'll miss those good old dayys i had with my class, and how we maintained relationships with teachers as though they were just our next-door friends. I'll miss how we never failed to count the number of consecutive sneezes Mrs Chin had and how she and I will be so kan chiong to have the GC competition.

 
I'll miss saluting Mr Lin whenever i see him and i'll miss the times we first percieve Mr Ng as so hard and cold at surface, but actually he was so warm at heart and one that we will all remember when we eat our kitkat, because that's why makes him special. I'll miss Ms Sathya's "Yeah?~" which is always so glam and missy. I'll miss Mr Wong's cold jokes and how he'll always be the Hao Hao Hao Lao Shi next door, coming to your rescue anytime you needed him.

I'll miss how Mr Hon used to greet me with "sawadee kahh" and how her never fails to always perceive me as a guyy. and the list goes on and on. there is probably no end to it.

Two years of being in a big great family, and i wonder what things will be like when we part our ways. it seems like just yesterdayy i just step into Meridian, all new here. and tomorrow, i'm leaving it. just like what Syaz said, perhaps 10years down the road, if we lose contact, she'll probably delete my number. which can be really true in reality. things are gonna change.

perhaps, at the end of the dayy, it's not Meridian that I'll be missing.

it's the Meridians that made but this Meridian Family.

and really thank you Meridians, for walking with me in this reallyy awesome journey that i'll never forget. perhaps, i guess there won't be another journeyy as awesome as this. this is reallyy the sweetest sweet i've ever tasted.

Once a Meridian, always a blue monster!
and, i'm really damn proud to be one, okayy! (:

my last post before i sit for my A's. officially less than 45 more days to the start of A's.

an update for the last few days of prelims.

19 September 2009
happy birthdayy to myself. and thank you to those who wished me. really appreciate it very much.
one year older. but this year, i made no wish.

i woke up with a dream. no. not a dream. a nightmare. i saw images of the past. and the time when you left and i wonder how things will be like the following year when you're even further. i don't dare to tell you. nor do i even have the courage to think about it. what'll happen when you go even further from now? you're already far enough now. next year you'll be further. you will, eventually, i know it. and you know it too. but i'm afraid you'll just drift and never look back again. and i don't have to courage to ask you to look back just once.
i don't have the courage to tell you, friend. i really don't. because i am feeling the drift and the distance. not literally. but it's happening, trust me. i told myself, to deny everything i'm experiencing now, but i can't. i don't know for you, but to be frank, i waited through the every single night for something which i know will only come the next day on my phone. i fear so much i'll be the one disturbing you and i always hesistate twice, thrice, many times, because i know you'll be busy. i find myself such a bugger sometimes. i wanted to listen so much, but i feel so helpless not being able to help you. and everytime, i smiled to myself when i read the text msgs and msn convo all over again and again. and other times, when i saw my name, wherever you type it, i'll cry. because it's been so long. so long.

you're my friend. and you'll always be one.
i don't have the courage to ask you. and that is,
will you look back ever again for me one dayy?

in this little corner of my blog, i really wish you all the best on my birthdayy(:


25 September 2009
it's 2am into the night and i'm still not asleep even though there's physics paper tmr. was smsing Yichen just now and i realised she doing really good now. i'm really happy to see her do well. but at the same time, vexed for myself. have been tossing on the bed for the past 1hour or so, trying to close my eyes and fall asleep, but there's so many things running through my mind.
I'M DAMN VEXED (even till now, when i'm typing this!) the moment i close my eyes, my mind starts to drift and i get so bloody frustrated with everything around me. prelims, A's, greyie, practically everything under the skyy. damn it. why is it so vexing!?!?


26 September 2009
prelims have officially come to an end. totally demoralising experience. but i guess, it won't be long till A's are here to visit. 45 more days to come. it's be hard and fast. sometimes, i really ponder what this life is all about and what exactly are we going after this life. tired of thinking. tired of losing. tired of failure.
mama pig, YunZhi sms me just now. the right time, the right moment. sometimes, you just need someone to just pop into your life, even without a need for a reason.

with the remaining days to A's, i won't give up. i'll be tired. drained. vexed. irritated. frustrated. monstrous. crazy. damning. and so the list goes on, but the last thing i'll ever do this life, is to lose to myself. never.
the road ahead may be rocky, jerky, arduous, challenging, demanding, but i'll never sucuumb to them. just 45 more days and it'll be over. it's either now, or never again.

this shall be my very best and last shot for A's. it's either giving my best, or giving nothing.



this journey seems as though there's always an end to it one day. but in fact, it's a road to infinity. because no one actually knows what holds at the end of it. no one knows what tomorrow holds for us. whether or not, one day we can see the rainbow of hope or another dead end, we can't actually predict ourselves now. 

Mark Twain once said, "It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog."

and this shall be my last post before i send my fighting dog to the fighting ground. whatever the outcome, i'll fight on to tell my story that it's my best that will be. nothing but my best. hang on.

to everyone who is studying hard. jiayou and all the best(:

take care too(:

A DAMN LONG POST.

compilation of all the posts in my phone. so far, i'm only half way through the prelims exams. but since monday is a holiday, i really deserve a good rest(:

18 September 2009

i don't know if it's addiction of whatever you call it, i have been glued to the music in Yichen's blog. it's so addictive cann!?!?! cos i have been studying in my kor's room (my room just got struck by tornado), and have been helping him mouse hunt while i study. it's so dumb but yet it constantly reminded me to study cos 15mins have passed! so yeah. the music never stops playing. it makes me studyy. but this addiction is causing much disturbance. today, before i could even start writing my first line for the econs paper, it starts ringing again. it's illusion tho, but i can't really concentrate. see lahh! yichen, all your fault! why put such a nice thing on your blog and caused my addiction. negative externality in consumption you know! market disequilibrium, deadweight loss, overconsumption. so economics.
i thought the paper todayy was relatively ok except for one of the case studyy, cos i studied until 130am last nite tho it's last min cramming, but for the first time, it went right in. oh wells, results tend to deviate from ideality, right? till then! yichen says she's coming back to attend something in Hwa Chong JC. but it clashed totally with all my papers. which means . perhap i'll over with my mum once a's over. or maybe, let me take the a's in HC and absorb some of their  smarties aura. woo~ and my retarded friend talked nonsense to me again. he's so nonsense and retarded! so it's a good friday rest for me after a long week of draining, tiring hard work!(:

17 September 2009

mum's back from Bangkok. but she's more ill than the previous time she went. and the school ain't giving her a good dayy either. hopes she get well soon!(: and she brought back a lot of foodies. ii bet bangkok has so much nicer foodies than here. totally awesome food paradise! and my aunt got me something again. my mum suggested i should start calling her mum too. because she has simply done a lot of things for me! as compared to the b*tches here, it's seriously heaven and hell. after a's i'm gonna fly over mann!
went to vivo and orchard to settle some matter. i didn't know vivo was actually so near my house! and the 便便怪兽 was super random 2nights before. perhaps forgot to eat his medication or maybe over-dosage. haha. but it made me feel so retarded talking to him. i have weird, strange, funny and retarded friends! oh wells. perhaps they too also see me as retarded. but who cares mann! anyway, still, thank you 便便怪兽, for making my dayy. hope you become a 便便大王 soon!(:
home studyy ytd because math2 and phy3 todayy. kinda have a hunch before the exam that i won't be able to pass physics again. maybe she's right afterall. and so i really did raised the white loser flag todayy. to think i told mr ng and mr yeo that I WANNA PASS PHYSICS THIS TIME!  and xiong xiong buddy was super cute todayy. so messaged to say, may the F=ma be with you. that's a phrase from the chemistry department and she incorporated it with physics. cool. and math. a strong feeling i won't do well even tho i'm really prepared for it. i'm no longer the amath god. and there's no mdm halilah, mrs lee nor mr lee. but my kor has been helping me a lot. and he claims he's the god for everything. so i've  been calling him god help me this, god help me that. but i can't deny, he's really godly good(:
i really should stop ranting, right yichen?

14 September 2009

official start of prelims. i went inside the examination hall knowing that  don't know something. but i don't know what's that something. i told my borther the night before i must prove to the stupid pregnant man that i will pass and he reassured i will. but towards the night, i told myself, maybe not this time. after todayy, although chemistry was the subject i banged damn hard on, the paper was horrifying. not the first time i've seen MJ's chemistry paper to be like this but rather it'll be the first and last time i'll feel so horrified if i were to get U again. screwed up ionic. totallyy dont know what i was doing at that point of time. shitto. and mr wong asked me at the end of the exam. "supanee, can pass not?" i wanted to prove to that stupid man i hated so much (not mr wong okayy!) that i wanna pass. but yet, everything's not going my wayy. i came home, my kor talked to me, he chided me when i said i really can't do it.  he said, even if i didnt do one qtn, there was still 60marks. how cann i ever not pass? but he never knew something, and that was, i was different from him. and he ended the convo with, just do my best, becuase he really dont know how to help me further. even my kor has given up on me. what the heck! i really should reflect. haix. so demoralizing. it's only the beginning and i still have 2more wks of papers. damn.

12 September 2009

had so much things running my mind lately. supposed to be studying but went to yichen's blog to listen to the song. no updates but decided to view her past posts. posts which i have never seen before. i typed my name in, and there was actually so manyy posts that she mentioned about me. so one by one i read. from art club days of how she detest muimui so much to how e managed to scrap through every single bit from her claws. she mentioned once, supanee and i did everything together. it was a post on how we stayed in MJ, appealed to SA, and migrated back to MJ again. and how she has never blamed me for anything. i got so thankful that i really found her as a friend.
until i read a post about how she saw me during a college event but i was busyy with something else. perhaps, pre-occupied with council. and she ended the sentnece with a hai. in my pursuit for something which i thought was the priority in my life then, council, it made me lost to something called friendship. and ytd when i read her card time and again, there was one line, i'll never forget. "...i chose this card becuase there's so many ppl there to celebrate with you. sorry i cant be there" and when i looked back, yichen haven't always celebrated a big hu-ha birthdayy with me. but this year, i really feel her absence. haix.

11 September 2009

took the afternoon off books to have a lunch date with yichen's mum. went for jap food at kallang leisure park and she insisted on buying me a cake because yichen said must must buy. come to think of it, even though yichen's so far away, she feels damn near. so she bought a 30bucks cake from chocz. a few days ago, i was still nervous about this lunch date. ever since yichen left, aunty and i have been really good friends. really really good friends. i find it a gift for me to get to know yichen and her family. i don't know why, but when i'm with them, i felt really special. getting to know this really awesome family will be the last thing i can ever ask for.
8more days before i officially turned 18, but i've always never looked forward to birthdays. not because it's the exam period (i'm numb to it already. every year since P1, it lands on exam week) but because it has lost its meaning and birthdays don't really matter now(: but i feel really blessed for even a stranger, who later became my good friend, aunty made me feel really special and happy todayy.
we talked alot over lunch, and yichen's little brother and sister were awesomely adorable. haha. and their cards meant even more. touched by what this family has done for me!! when saw the envelop with my name on it, you probably won't underrstand the sudden gush of emotions. it all seems so long ago since i last seen her handwriting. and how she always calls me supanee tan in letters and cards. and that too, makes her a really special one out there. so yichen, please don't ever change your handwriting. haha. i didn't expect all these to come, because that silly girl is preparing for her sat. so here, i would like to wish her all the best too in everyday of my life(: my mum felt really sad when i told her everything. it just pours out everything in me  this friendship simple means more than just 2strangers coming together to be friends.
if i could live a second life, i'll wish to be her friend again(:

09 September 2009

today is a special dayy! 09/09/09! Happy birthday to all the special babies born on this dayy!(: went to studyy at marine parade library with Dodo. an eye opener to this world. not just how different people behaved, but rather the behavior of this world. there was this chinese grandma who had a very sweet and pretty grand-daughter. because she was a caucasian-mix. around 5years old. then came a fat monster. the sister. around 11years old. she looked like those typical girl, once you see it, you feel like bashing her up. apparently, the ah ma gave her money to buy food. and she bought a cake and 2drinks. but when her ah ma wanted to try the cake, she snatched the fork away from her. and when her ah ma's phone rang, she snatched from her. but apparently it was her ah ma's friend cos she was speaking in teochew. wahh. seriously feel like bashing up that stupid girl.
then came another chinese grandma. but this time, her grandson was an indian. he looked more like african-mix. okayy, anyway, the point is that the ah ma bought herself coffee and a drink and cake for the boyboy. and the boyboy took the fork, cut the first piece and fed the ah ma. aww mann. that kind of feeling, ever wondered how sweet  and sour it is? because, all my life, i've been fed, i have never fed anyone. not even my late-grandma, not even my god-mother who watch me grow and now that's she's so old, i really wish to feed her. that kind of warmth, totally unexplainable. in all, todayy is a really sweet dayy for me. although it reflects the different perspectives and behaviours in this society todayy.
i took home with me the sweeter side of life, and ended a day with a smile(: sweeeet(:

07 September 2009

gp prelim exam todayy. i did the most retarded thing todayy by selecting a qtn that was completely non-argumentative. stupid mistake because A's will never come out a non-argumentative qtn. prelims will be the last exam practice before the final A's, and will be the last gauge of where i stand. but more stupidly, i realised that stupid mistake after i submitted . and did i mention i reallyy reallyy hate Mr *ong now?!? (it sounds like mr wong, but it's not him okayy!) he make me detest him so much so that he is not as great as how yichen and i have perceived him to be. looks can be damn deceiving.
i was talking to dodo the other dayy, i cant rmb when exactly. we were arguing mildly (is there such a phrase?!?), aiya, not aggressive kind. yeah. about relationships and how it was never measured by distance. chiche isn't it? that was when i told xiong xiong buddy when we were talking about some ugly monster out there. but the truth is, no doubt distance can never be a factor to limitations, but distance can in fact, distant us even faster than i thought it would be, and it'll fade off with time. i wonder if we'll ever meet again this lifetime, other than once after my A's. it really sets me thinking. haix.

05 September 2009

it's 0417am in the morning already. and i just lodged a complaint about my neighbour at 2 who was partying at the corridor like no one's business. security phone spoilt. so had to go all the way down. but thanks to them, it woke me up and keep me studying till then. to think 13calls from Binli didn't work the other time, but this worked! srp later. the last and final one studied at macs. and later returned home early because of food poisning. so went to orh-orh(:
oh did i mention before i find it really a nuisance when ppl don't reply my messages?! you are a damn nuisance. you and your friend are of the same damn hypocrites. no wonder people often say, birds of the same kind flock together. so why get me involved!? stop being such a jerk in my life cann!?! just get lost. and i know you'll get to read this. it's really too bad then  i reallyy wanna post this picture for you!

03 September 2009

HAPPY BIRTHDAYY YICHEN(:

studied in school todayy. supposed to meet mr lau but his student took such a long time for consultation slot so i went home first since dad bought me dinner. sometimes, i really sympathize with good teachers like Mr Lau, Ms Wong, Mr Wong and some others. cos they really go the extra mile for us. and i'm really thankful for that because they're not even my own teachers(: going to mac later to studyy again. so fast 1week of study break is gonna be over soon. scared. GP exam on mondayy. i wanna do well in everything. shitto.

01 September 2009

HAPPY TEACHERS' DAYY to all teachers in the world(:
messaged my tk teachers and tuition teachers to wish them a happy teachers day. replies that came back were more or less the same but i really made my day!(: it made me ponder the satisfaction a teacher can ever get from teaching. one word: worthwhile. i may not be the brightest kid around but i am who i am todayy because of them(: oh yarhh. and Mr Tan never fails to call me whatever he calls me in sms but now there seems to be no smiley in his messages  so is Mrs Poh.

31 August 2009

teachers' day celebration at school todayy. the last teachers' dayy celebration i'll be enjoying as a student. and while i pre-typed the teachers' day smses, Mr Tan's smiley faces just keep appearing. shouldn't Singapore be so small? i haven't met him even once in Aljunied. kuku. spent the dayy at school studying Ionic. i think i'll be turning into a buffer solution soon, one that resists pH changes when small amount of acid or base is added to it. todayy, Binli and i saw how the 2little girls cried. so poor thing. i really hopy they'll get promoted because the really deserve to  and those that really ought to be shot should be shot (wahh. sounds like Ms Ong). anyway, i saw how frightening this world is. when i flunked my promos, i paced up and down for fear i'll get retained. that feeling really sucks. and as the prelims draw nearer each dayy, i panic like mad. and and todayy i really miss him a lot. haha. random. so long never see him already. i wonder how he's doing now(:

28 August 2009

last tutorial for the whole of my Meridian story. just 3days ago, i drew my signature girl on the white sticker on my desk and wrote, studyy hard for A's. and this J1 replied, studyy hard for promos. haha. so cute. so today beofre i left the class for the one last time, i wrote, supanee's table(: things are getting tougher and tougher these days.  worried for this, panic for that. fear for these, pessimistic for those. and i passed my last chemistry test for the first time! damn happy!  never gotten a proper pass before. and Mrs Suresh was the one who marked it, she even wrote what my weakness were and where i should focus on and more importantly, encouraged me on the test paper. damn great feeling(: that teacher will never do that for me. for her, i'll work hard!(: oh. and i bought MJ's cd(:

27 August 2009

today was the last econ tutorial i'll be having in my life as a Meridian. Mr Hon made the last lesson sound so sad and shall always be remembered. it ended sweetly with a class photo. when i looked back, Mr Hon is probably the only Meridian teacher that has followed me through since the start. PAE, JAE J1, council and all the way to A's. i'll miss him, reallyy. not just him but the many others who played an important role in my journey here. i'll miss the times when he never fails to tease me being a guy since PAE because of the gay concept, which actually made me sad if one dayy i don't hear him tease me. that will be when i officially step out from Meridian. Mr Hon maybe playful at times, but he's definitely one of the few teachers who make a very good one. ytd, he treated the whole of H1 Econ ppl pizza. it's not because he treated us pizza that made him a great teacher, but it's Mr Hon himself that makes a good teacher. and whatever he said, it reallyy made me reflect on what i want to achieve at the end of this path.
from compass today, i realise i was all along an egg. but i desire so much to be a coffee bean. and i suddenly feel all the panic shit all over me again. just like how it felt in O's. i made it in O's but somehow, this definitely feels different. i fear i won't make it. not that i won't make it in time, but rahter, i will fail this journey. i have met with many fails in my JC life. but there's a premonition that i'll end with a fail yet again. and usually, i'm most right about it, my retainers in the dump has been the best example ever. with teachers' dayy on mondayy, i'll return back to school tho it's studyy break for me. it'll be the last teachers' dayy i'll be having as a student. i want to enjoyy as a student as much as the good teachers have taught me how to grow to be one(:

24 August 2009

today is Miss Lai's talk with my class. very intense session for me. but also very much motivating. Miss Lai said i sounded determined and she asked if i was scared after what i fared for MYE. and i said yes. there was really no doubt for that. the increased stress and fear is building up rapidly. i actually lied to her about the uni faculty i wanted because i fear so much for being looked upon as unrealistic for such a far fetched dream. Miss Lai also said, come this 16October will be an impactful dayy. farewell assembly. a day where it will mark the last dayy as an official student after 12years of education. it really sets me thinking about how i want my Meridian story to end. and that will also be the last time i'll hear the Meridian roar, it just made me reminisce the last time i sang the TK song. after all these years, i know i'll stand up stronger and tougher.
and druing physics lecture, Mr Gohel actually said, it's okayy if one never passed physics this lifetime, never give up and pass it once for prelims. it felt really inspirational that i reallyy wanna studyy hard for Physics, and give it my best shot. not only for Physics but for my A's. my dream maybe unrealistic, but i want to make it one that i will never regret. my sweet dad bought me a lot of sweets to keep me going from all the studying. another perfect reason why i should reallyy put in my best(:

21 August 2009

school's becoming so much fun lately. especially with my class. had so much fun joking, pranking other people. and how they never failed to bully and tease me. todayy i came to school with a sprain neck. couldn't even turn to my right. so my 'caring' friends started calling me from my right. and obviously i have to turn, which i can't. and when they played volleyball, all i could do is scream when the ball came flying towards me. oh and this morning, i told the councillors about my retainers. true enough, it was gross cos even i hesitated about putting it in my mouth. and they started making jokes about it, about everything they see. like this thing must be from the dump, that thing must be washed with dettol. it was fun tho, bringing so much laughter this morning, haven't had such a good long laugh for a very long time already. and i promise Xavier and Weisheng, i'll vomit dettol on them whenever i see them. till then! haha.
somehow, when there's just one more week of lesson before my studyy leave, i kinda missed the life i have here. i'll miss sitting at the benches in the morning, miss joking and laughing with my class. oh wells, i guess that's what life is all about! gotta move on! i'll remember this special dayy at school(:

19 August 2009

i think i can be the lead character in the movie, A Series of Unfortunate Events II. my eyelids have been twitching really badly for the past week. the right eye. and the chinese believe, it is an omen. and i waited so long for this omen to come and hold your horses mann, it cam eventually! from todayy, i totally believe in coincidence and something called unkucky.
kathy helped me buy a bottle of barley and in a hurry to rush for chemistry spa lesson, i didn't close the cap completely. and yarh, it leaked in my dear bag until it was totally flooded. so when i took everything out, including my precious retainers (i had so much pain wearing it!), wrapped in a tissue paper. then todayy, at 1631hrs, it hit me badly when i was doing my physics test. the retainer. and there's gonna be a cleaner coming to clean my house. and for sure, it's gonna be gone cos to her, it's just a tissue paper. and she would be gone by then cos she comes at noon and leaves at 4pm.
so after school, i rushed like mad and i reached home in 30mins (fastest record okayy!) and the cleaner was still there! but but the point is! my retainer ain't there! and and my dustbin is sparkling clean! not that it has diamonds inside, but IT DIDN'T HAVE MY RETAINER! so it means, 300bucks gone and 300bucks gonna be gone. (don't know if i mention before i lost it once, the same wayy like i did todayy) so i asked the cleaner, but she arhh blur like sotong. ask her everything also say don't know. but she knows she threw the rubbish down the chute at 4pm. it was 6pm by then. ran down, the rubbish collector have gone home sweet home. and i seek the guard's help. he help me use his bare hands to dig the rubbish chute at the basement. and when it bacame too much for him, i wanted to go home to take gloves and dig myself, but he said he has a pair in the guard house. i wanted to dig it myself because it's my responsibility of the retainer. now it makes me feel so damn guilty. then i found it. it's clean cos it's wrapped in tissue, thrown in a tightly tied plastic bag. i promise myself, rubbish chutes will be the last thing that will ever come to my mind ever again.
and the uncle. awww mann. i don't know what more i can sayy. think about it. who in this world will bother digging up the rubbish for a stranger when he gets no extra benefit and he's rushing home then? and for that, i cried when i say thank you to him. i was so afraid to lose my retainers ever again. i reallyy reallyy promise to lock it in my mouth. no more second chance. (i mentioned once when i lost it the first time i'll lock it in my mouth too. but nono!! i reallyy learnt my expensive lesson) i love that uncle(: his name is uncle sam!(: chocs for him(: so if your eyes twitch, take it seriously. no joke. and it's such coincidence the cleaner came at 2pm that's why she's still there at 6pm. and such big coincidence that i met that uncle there. imagine if it was other guards, like the golden hair one. they'll probably just ask me to drown myself in the dump.
and i got back my chinese results, B with oral distinction. not A tho, but it's more than enough cos i really did my best. hopefully, A's will be a happy ending too.
I LOVE THAT UNCLE SAM SO MUCH!(: damn guilty but also damn happy

17 August 2009

i've got a super sucky teacher. i don't feel like elaborating. this post is so long! but the point is he sucks. he's always against me. what's his stupid bloody problem, seriously! dig out his eyeball then he know!

21-29 July 2009

on a very long declared mc vacation. because of the swine, the school's becoming really paranoid. as long as you sneezed or coughed, then it's byebye. home you go. mine wasn't swine. confirm chop stamp. it's bronchitis. had a history of it so this old friend of mine is here to visit. so i was sent back a lot of times. and it was always the case that i must take cab home. i remembered one of the days, cos i was coughing badly, one of the dog in my class, Clement, made a stupid comment saying, supanee, cough cough cough, wear mask lahh. so the smart teacher ask me to wear. but for bron ppl, wearing masks makes it worst. cos i can't breath properly with it and i'll cough more. and as expected, i was sent home after 1period of math lesson. thanks mann!
on another occasion, it was chinese A's LC exam, so i had to come. if i dont' take it, i'll be disqualified from it. and i was sent home again and return later in the afternoon. another time was on sat, srp, sent home. 4times okayy! and during one of which, the clerk saw me the 4th time, and she said, you again arh? and she's so cute! she asked me where i lived and then if i want to take a bus or cab. so i merely ask, oh! can take bus? and she replied, cannot lahh! you're sick!  i think the clerk deals with so many sick kids around until she become so cute(:
and my dad got so pissed off with the school that he discouraged me every morning from going to school cos everytime i cab back, it's during the peak hour. 14bucks each time. so do your math(:


that's all i have for now. time to resume my studying soon. my good friday rest is gonna be over in no time. meanwhile, studyy hard everyone(: and you! yichen! you better do well in your sat! all the best dear(:

and i realised i don't have a wish this birthdayy.

and this post is freakingly 4734 words long.

till then  

"run. run like you never ever did this life"
someone so distant said this to me today. little did i expect that talk felt so meaningful and comforting. for once, i wasn't listening to anyone. someone was actually listening to me. that feeling is so damn special. although i wasn't the one doing most of the talking, it felt as though i was the one telling this story and someone there listening to it. but yet, i was listening. it was that special.

blog has been in sleeping mode for days. for the past two weeks, it hadn't beeen easy to pass. many things have happened and it ain't easy to face all this alone. no one understands the every little damn thing i am walking through. it just keeps piling. little did i too expect a day like that to come. it came as a really harsh reality. so harsh that it feels so torturing to fall asleep at night because i couldn't control my thoughts. they just wandered off.

it isn't going to be easy to walk out of this mess. and walking out alone makes it a greater feat. sometimes, you'd never expect how vicious words can come out from one's mouth. i'll never forget whatever that happened for these past 2weeks. it's painstaking to forget everything. it's too messy up here and everywhere. i can't untangle everything myself. but sadly to say, i'm all in this alone. it's not just about studies alone. it so many other things that made things so worst off.

i have been dreamy. dreamy when i'm wide awake. i was looking at the hour glass in my room the other day. sometimes, i loved how the sand just went on with time. it just flowed so smoothly with time. no jerks. no backflow. and most importantly, they are happy. if i had one wish now, i wished to be the sand in the hour glass.

i did stupid and silly things that i can never imagine why i did so for the past week. not once. but many times. can't seem to take full control of everything. isn't that what the world around me is all about? change takes place all the time. but i never knew, i was actually so afraid of change.

somehow, just when i had thought it's becoming so draining, so tiring and so unhappy each day, someone had bothered to listen to my story. and really just listened and shared. for a moment, i appreciate those mutual understanding which i still can't find where it arise from. but it doesn't matter anyway, because it still exists.

it's going to be a long and tiring race to face studies and so much of other damn things alone. exactly 115 more days, 14minutes and 36seconds to a's. not very long. but i promise i'm never going to stop running. i'm not proving to anyone. for once, i want to do something for myself. I, too deserve that lollipop i missed for so long. i had count more than enough sheeps at night. it was a reminder i missed that lolly for a long time.

sometimes, i had wished too, you were the one who listened and made time available for me. but sadly, you didn't. i guessed i should have expect the unexpected. because things are different the way they are now. i'm feeling the gap now.

this will be the last post i'm posting. hiatus till a's is over. hopefully, things will get better by then-

"if dreaming dreams was purely just a dream, let go of dreaming this dream. perhaps, dreaming this dreams is just not your cup of dream tea"

gone.-

blog will not be updated for some time due to personal reasons.
i'll appreciate if you could give me a break this time and not disturb me. don't even bother asking why.  i had enough of troubles this life.

.gone too soon.by MJ.simply sums it all.best song.